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kiluginb
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Name: Kiersten
Birthday: 12/27/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Job searching, soul searching, reading great books, laughing with friends, moving, sipping coffee, having epic conversations in everyday places and other things that change on a daily basis.
Occupation: Struggling to Live and Love
Message: message me
AIM:  illinisquirt
Member Since:
8/16/2006
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- Photo by Kevin Carter (1960-1994) -
"Afterward he sat under a tree, lit a cigarette, talked to God and cried." | | |
| NOVEMBER
So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back we're on our own
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I don't answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
~ Azure Ray
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| One day. A baby girl changes everything. I’ve never seen her face and I never will. One little soul half way around the world has somehow altered existence and the definition of love. Just when you stop believing in hope and light and all those things……
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| I sit down to write lately and the words don’t come….they don’t flow like they used to. I have nothing left to say. Everything to learn. There is a clot in my thinking and my memory and the things that once flowed freely through my being just don’t anymore. This bothers me. I’m terrified of being numb and forgetting what I’ve been able to see and remember.
Time for an adventure and time to live what you think….or remember what you think.
I have never lived a section of life as I would have liked. I’m a work in progress....tooting along and tripping up. Growing in retrospect, gasping for clarity in the present.
Maybe there is no excuse for all the confusion we create. Life should be simple…or it is. I just haven’t taken notice lately. God forgive me......now just let it be.
“Have you ever wandered lonely through the woods?
And everything there feels just as it should
You're part of the life there
You're part of something good
If you've ever wandered lonely through the woods
Have you ever stared into a starry sky?
Lying on your back you're asking why
What's the purpose I wonder who am I
If you've ever stared into a starry sky
Have you ever stared into a starry sky
Have you ever been out walking in the snow?
Tried to get back to where you were before
You always end up not knowing where to go
If you've ever been out walking in the snow
If you'd ever been out walking you would know”
- Miss Carlile
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| Here I am...Living, breathing, smiling, aching, laughing, crying, being. Life these days has become a little more transparent, a little more clear and a little less frosted over. But the restless feelings are still there and they won't go away. I sit at a desk and ache for the sun on my face and fresh air in my lungs and a jar to put all these angry, melancholy feelings in.....a jar to let them marinate and mature.
Everything is green right now.....and you will read this and wonder what that means and I wouldn't know what to tell you. The world is such a strange, beautiful, hurting, and perplexing place. Maybe I am just too young....or too old for the body I reside in. In so many ways my heart has grown hard and cold, but there's this beat that keeps beeping and I wonder what it will do and where it will go.
Beauty and breath...sometimes I see it and feel it and I wonder if you do too.....and yes.....perhaps there are moments when my mind gets the best of me....you're right....I dream too much. But my neighbor Practicality comes knocking on the door frequently these days and most days I invite him in and serve him a cup of coffee. He sits there giving me a list of things to do, but as he talks my eyes wander and I look out the window....aching to pick orange sunflowers and catch fireflies. You say he must come in.....one day we all let him in...
I just want to know why....because what could possibly be more important than catching fireflies?
I still see beauty so rest and don't worry about me tonight. I'm swimming helplessly and happily in restless peace and you and I don't always have to understand. | | |
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